Pleasure Me Not.

What does happiness and pleasure look like if I don’t need or want more material gain?
What does prosperity look like if I don’t need material prosperity?

Hi Everyone, Welcome to The Studio. 
This article was such a pleasure for me to write. It’s one of my favorites, and it led me to discover Jon Jandai (beautiful man), whom you will meet at the end of the article. 
enjoy. -L. 
Pleasure me not.
Pleasure me not with physical means; for it does not.
I don’t know what pleasure is (anymore). I’ve simplified and simplified. I’ve minimalized, minimalisted, and then some.
I’ve downsized from mountain top pleasures (rather exotic ones), to the simple pleasures of smell, warmth, and the taste of black, organic, oily, roasted coffee beans – lingering in the experience of a ritualistic coffee pour-over….and I ask…what the hell am I doing?!$%
Is this what I exist for? A self-indulgent experience of pour-over coffee?
And we have conversations about it – about where to get the best coffee beans.
Where-to-get-the-best-coffee-beans…did I just hear myself say that? What the hell am I doing? 
I know (knew) the pleasure of backyard barbeques, of laughter, and of silence and solitude…and I still ask myself…what the hell am I doing?
I know (knew) the pleasure of music, dance, and play. The pleasure of friendships and family. Of sunsets and all that arises. I know all this, and I still ask…what am I doing?
I even know the Grace of God…and I still ask…what am I doing? 
I even know the Grace of God…
What am I really doing?
I’ve given to charities – but somehow I haven’t given of myself- and I’m not sure I know what that means.
What the hell am I doing?
Such an interesting choice of words. That I question if I am in hell amidst all these so-called-pleasurable-doings.
Confused a bit I am. I don’t know what happiness is (anymore) – and somehow this is where I need to be. In the not. In the not knowing so I will know.
I ended up at the end – sooner than expected – at the end of my senses – so it leaves me a bit confused. At the end of what some call physical prosperity – in that the physical doesn’t feel prosperous. Doesn’t please me. Not pleasure.
Prosperity. To flourish. To thrive. Thriving I am not.
Plasir. French. Pleases me not. I’ve tried.
What pleases me?
Caught off-guard. Assumed I would be entertained by the pursuit of material gain a while longer. Or at least of a sensory means. Of which I am not.
What pleases me?
I know more of the nots. I know what pleases me not – which begets the question of the do.
And somehow, I knew. I knew I would arrive. Here. At the end of this pursuit. At the end of this pursuit of so-called-happiness. At the end of material wealth – at which I never really arrived and somehow knew I would surpass.
Because I knew it would cost me time – too much time. Time is my greatest resource, my greatest asset- it would cost too much. Too much time to pursue the path of material wealth. Never seemed like a good market for exchange.
I have some materials – but wealth I have none.


Take what you need, he said. Take what you need to support your happiness and pleasure.
Take what you need, he said – not what you want – not more than you need.
That was a lesson I had to learn. Because then I would be caring for the ‘more’ that I don’t need, and lose all sight of happiness and pleasure.
Taking care of more than I need pleases me not. And I don’t remember who he was.
Now. I have what I need. Just what I need. Downsized I have. I cannot minimalist anymore. There’s no more to do less with.
Because I lost sight – I did.
What to do? To do. To know more about the dos than the nots.
I need to know more about a new pursuit of happiness and pleasure.
If I have the physical resources to support my happiness – then why would I keep chasing more resources? Shouldn’t I be chasing my happiness? In pursuit of that which pleases me.
In chase of the intangible this is. And a chase it is not. Just a place of arrival.
This is the freedom we are all after. And this is the freedom we don’t know what to do with. 
An intangible-pleasing-pursuit.
What does happiness and pleasure look like if I don’t need any more material gain? What does prosperity look like if I don’t need material prosperity?
And somehow I knew.
Always knew.
That this soil upon which I walk was meant for more. Always meant for more. Not more tangible, but more intangible. Meant to pursue beyond physical. We have to move beyond. 
That physical gains were meant to support internal gains. That external prosperity is meant to support internal prosperity.
American I am.
But we don’t know what internal prosperity is  – and this is what we were all meant to become more of. Not to have more and lose sight – and sight loss we have.
I always knew…that once we were nestled and snuggled in the safety of physical gain – that this – that this would be time for real prosperity – for real wealth- for real happiness.
To stop the confusion of gaining more stuff. To stop the mad chase of more gain – and to realize we have arrived.
We have arrived. At the most beautiful opportunity to create and pursue real pleasure and real happiness.
The material gain gives us the freedom to pursue more of our inner potential to be wealthy humans – to be pleased with ourselves (not our stuff).
Time begets; what is wealth inside of me? What is happiness inside of me? What pleases me internally? What is this internal me?
I didn’t say this was going to be easy. There’s new territory here, and the only one worthy I know, at this point. The point of a new arrival.
How can I use the external tools (of material gain) I already have to serve a larger expression of an internal pleasing, happy, prosperous – thriving me?
I read somewhere, “After one’s basic needs are met, there is no reason to not be happy.”
Confused we are. Confused I am (a bit) – a good confused. Because there is no-where to go but in-here. And we don’t know where in-here is, but it’s where we must go.
This is the new pursuit. Not new – just extended – there’s more territory to forge.
Most of us have arrived. Arrived at the end and at the beginning.
A pursuit we were always meant to pursue.

Enjoy both shows.