Stop Outsourcing The Desire for Felt Beauty.

What if you were already beautiful? At what point would the striving end?


Felt Beauty. Validation. Outsourcing & Desire. 

“I want to be loved for who I am. I want him to love me just the way I am,” she said. 

“What does that mean?’, I asked, “Who are you? What way are you being? What are you wanting him to love?”

She was wanting him to love her mess, her pains, her hurts, and her sorrows. And she was wanting him to love her unkemptness and all things frumpy. 

A man with a good amount of inner strength will be able to appease the former, but to expect a man to accept the latter is cruel. 

Do you love your frumpiness and all things unkempt?

As if ‘being this way’ was some kind of test: stay less beautiful in my appearance and if he stays, then he really loves me.

Oh, as women how we manipulate our bodies in cruel games – in all things unkempt and all things overkempt. 

And I say cruel because we are also depriving ourselves of experiencing our desire to feel beautiful. 

In truth, she craves and desires her own beauty, and in our minds’ ability to distort truth, we hide our beauty not only from our partner, but from ourselves. 

The desire to feel our beauty is an essential desire – because it’s who we are. 

Men also desire to feel our beauty: it’s essential . 

The world desires to feel and experience our beauty: it’s essential. 

We are deficient in felt beauty. 

There are women who do not hide – who shine their physical beauty – in attempts to get it validated by men, validated by the world – like me, like me, please validate my body, please validate me as a woman. 

Validate my unkemptness. Validate my kemptness. 

Please tell me I am beautiful!?#!

As women, what are we doing!?#%

We are looking for something to validate that which we don’t even know what it is for ourselves. 

We are forever outsourcing our beauty. Looking, seeking, striving, and grabbing every which way but in.

There’s physical beauty, yes. Our deeper craving, our deeper desire however, is in the essence of our beauty. 

You are what you are made of. 

You can make up, patch up, cover up, all you want, but if there is no beauty inside, no essence of a unique self, you will be left unfulfilled. 

A very real un.fulfillment i.e. empty. 

This can turn into “Empty Barbie Syndrome” – pretty and plastic on the outside and empty on the inside. 

And we keep looking to men, social media, and to the world to fill a void – to validate that which we don’t even know we are missing. 

We are missing the inner essence of who we are as women. 

For a woman who knows her beauty essence – beauty will seep through her pours – her body will display beauty in some way shape or form. 

My personal beauty style tends to be more simple and natural ( I love the rawness of life), however, I’ve seen women in all their glitz and glam (which I immensely admire) be able to carry their inner beauty in the most gracious way.

To adorn.

These are women not striving for validation. They are beautiful and appreciate their own beauty and are not afraid to share it. They are not afraid because they don’t need outside validation. They aren’t looking for approval. 

The only approval they need is knowing they are already beautiful.

What if you were already beautiful? At what point would the striving end?

It’s an inner validation.  

These are women comfortable in their own skin, and there is (almost) no better feeling, as a woman, to feel comfortable in our own skin. 

When a woman comes to appreciate feeling her own beauty, the natural response will be to accentuate the loveliness of her body in some way – in her unique way. Not to please someone else by way of needing validation, but by pleasing herself and staying in touch with her the felt-sense of her own beauty. 

Just look at how you care for, adorn, and accentuate the things you love and find beautiful in your home.

Touch. Felt. Sense. Beauty. 

To touch upon our own beauty is what we deeply desire. 

This is untouched territory for many of us. 

Like an oil or water well – when tapped enough times, it will flow. 

This beautywell is part of our wellness. 

It’s a wellness flow of water that quenches our deepest thirst: to drink and taste the sweetness of our beauty. 

Inner beauty will flow into our body posturing, and out into the world. 

If you are looking to anyone else, to men, social media, or the world for validation of your beauty: you will lose over and over again. 

Parched for your own essence. 

You will forever be craving validation for a desire only you, and the essence of what only you are can validate. 

External validation becomes a cruel game we do to ourselves (unbeknownst). It can be like a curse upon ourselves, in that, I can only imagine the depth of pain I might feel, if, on my deathbed, I come to realize that I outsource my beauty essence and never came to know it for myself. 

So let’s begin getting in touch with the essence of your unique beauty.

You have to feel it – what makes you feel beautiful? 

Not so much what makes you look beautiful, but how something feels. 

And what beauty language feels right to you? 

Pretty? Sexy? Soft? Sensual? Gentle? Graceful? Glamourous? Gorgeous? Beautiful? Playful? Sophisticated? Classic? Sporty? Exotic? Bohemian? Jazzy? Colorful? etcetera. 

The great thing about being a woman, is that we can play with all of the above. We generally have a few core true essences, and can have fun with the others.

Try them on for size. See how they feel. See if they match your inner essence.

There are a few on that list I personally can not dress up – it will feel fake and all-things striving (ex. exotic and bohemian) (soft and gentle is not my strong ‘suit’ either i.e. pretty frills of lace) however, I get the utmost joy by being in the presence of women who shine bright in these feminine forms. 

Where, what, how…do you find yourself lost in a felt-sense of all is well – all is lovely, graceful, sensual, delightful, grand, and all things heavenly?

How does life captivate you? What captivates your attention? 

What allures, entices, and inspires you? 

These are the deeper sources of your beauty. 

When we can stop outsourcing our beauty, we can learn to cultivate our unique sense of felt beauty. And once we start to grow something beautiful with us, we can then serve our beauty to the world in our unique way. 

If you had a magic wand, what would the world of your beauty look like to you? 

The world needs felt beauty. 

The world needs your felt-feminine-essence. 

bless, bless, bless this sweet sweet beautiful you.