Running from the very thing they crave: their masculinity.
Well, it’s more about fighting for your masculine worthiness. And you are the only one who gets to decide if it’s worth it.
Is it worth it?
That’s the start of recovery.
If you answered yes, you have just claimed your first win – your first victory. To find worth in your own worthiness – it’s a beautiful thing – a beautiful start.
The fact that you think you are worth it. You may even want to say it out loud – beat your chest like a gorilla – I am man. I am worth it.
Sure, I have men say no. I think they say no because they know what a yes entails.
A yes means they will have to drop down into the arena of their lives. Things will start to get real – real messy maybe – and dropping into the arena is not for everyone. It takes courage to stay in our daily life.
Many men don’t want to get real, so we have very few real men – however you want to define “real men.” You can define it as strong or as weak as you need. I am more concerned with the former.
Reality is not for all men – that’s why they will keep avoiding it (reality (their lives)) with drugs, alcohol, sex, excuses, sloth, victimhood, violence, and any other various forms of distractions.
Anything to distract from reality. Anything to distract from dropping into the arena of their own lives. The same lives they don’t deem worthy enough to fight for. They are not fighters.
Runners they are – running from their lives – running from themselves. Running from the very thing they crave: their masculinity.
Yes, I find it sad – very. That’s a reality I’ve had to drop into. The reality that most men are not fighters. That courage is not equally distributed. I help train the ones who are fighters – who want to be fighters. And I get the utmost joy when I get to work with a warrior.
I read it in David Goggin’s book: about the 100 men. Some old school philosopher – about 100 men on a battlefield. That 10 shouldn’t be there, 80 are just targets, 9 are the real fighters, and one is a warrior.
We need ten good men.
For the sake of ten. It’s my Abraham Plea. Ten men with masculine worthiness – out of every 100. It could be enough to turn the tide.
I train women too. I help women recover their inner fighter – their inner warrior.
Because this is about worthy masculinity. Victory, Glory, Success…all that...is achieved with – with – strong masculine character – and as women, we need to keep in balance with our masculine qualities as well, if we are going to be successful.
Addictions, depression, anxiety, dissatisfaction, unfulfillment, and all that jazz – needs a masculine approach as well as the feminine. The over-feminized approach (alone) is not going to win the battle.
Feminine qualities such as; self-care, compassion, nonjudgment, collaboration – mindfulness this and that – I get it – I’ve been using mindfulness for over a decade with clients. It’s needed, however, feminine aspects need to collaborate with some good old-fashioned masculine discipline and accountability in order to take us to a Victory.
Without the masculine approach, you maintain weakness, powerlessness, and victimhood. And what you get, over time, is a lot of targets – too many targets- not enough fighters.
Too many emasculated men.
This is a big…big…big…big…problem. And the solution is to masculate- which means to make strong.
The solution is to help people recover their innate ability (men and women) to engage in worthy masculine qualities- and for men, the more they engage in these qualities – the more quality men they become.
Masculine qualities such as; self-respect, discipline, self-accountability, goal setting, working through challenges, self-awareness, protection, provisions, effort and earning power, physical and mental strength – to know one is capable – capable to achieve, and capable to keep going in the midst of defeat and failure.
It’s amazing stuff. It has the potential to change everything in one’s life. I’ve seen it. It has potential to change our entire mental and behavioral health system- to teach men (and women) how to draw from the well of their own masculine capabilities.
And it’s free.
It’s innately free- to everyone – but not everyone wants to pay the price.
And I don’t work with people who don’t want to pay the price. I don’t work with targets. It’s just not a good fit.
Courage is not equally distributed – and it’s time to work with the ones who have it – and the ones who haven’t been skillful with it – i.e. to help them recover it. For the sake of ten good men, is all we need.
It’s time to drop down into the arena of our lives. Time to draw from the well of our innate, free, capabilities – this is real wellness.
“Let this year be on you. Guilt-free,” she told me.
And it’s what I’ve been telling clients this year. Slow down…give yourself the entire year…you’ll get there.
Offering mental spaces of hope and inspiration as to the value of committing oneself to 2020 differently. Offering a means to acknowledge that they (you, me, we), in and of ourselves – is a worthy aim.
To let go of unnecessary attachments and obligations (including mental and emotional obligations) (if just for this year) in order to commit deeply to the saving of one’s self – to save one’s dignity, self-respect, and integrity – or if nothing else, to give ourselves a year to gain some dignity, self-respect, and integrity.
To let 2020 be a retreat from such attachments and obligations – and because there is nothing selfish about it – if anything, it’s the utmost loving thing to do for yourself (you are worth it), and you will be worth more to those you love and care about.
To give ourselves the chance to be worthy, valuable, useful humans. To give ourselves the chance for a life of priceless matters. And if we learn this for ourselves, can we, just maybe, give more of that which is priceless to others.
This quote by Joseph Campbell is one I often use with patients. I present the quote, sit silent for a while and allow them to contemplate the words. The quote opens inner doors most of my patients have never entertained and we begin to explore what the words mean. At some point, a proposition is made as to whether they want to use their journey of addiction as this privilege of a lifetime.
I get painfully fascinated with how much goodness is in our daily lives – in the mundane activities – right in front of us every day, but we miss it. And we wonder why our lives feel dull and lifeless. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
